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How to give a cat a pill

May
30

More thanks to brother blog leader (tecnhically mrs. brother blog leader) for this funny post, as I continue to catch up. Full disclosure, I messed up the order of the pics a bit toward the end, sorry! But if you blog, you know this kind of post takes a long time, and I admit to not wanting to go back and fix. So sue me! Read all the way through anyway. It’s a hoot.

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process, closing its mouth and stroking throat.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

Call spouse in from the garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws.

Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.

Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set aside for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil, and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away.

Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from roof of neighbor’s shed.

Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, leaving head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.


14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.


15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a Dog a Pill


1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.

Et voila! More helpful tips brought to you by your friends at P&C!

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 30th, 2010 at 7:00 am by Laurel Babcock. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Category: Animal behavior, Animal care, Animal weirdness, Cats, Dogs

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6 Responses to “How to give a cat a pill”

  1. Claudia

    These instructions had me laughing out loud. As a cat owner who has had to administer medicine to my two cats, I can attest that it’s almost an impossible task. Even when the cats are very sick! I wish I had a dog.

  2. Carrie@MaineCoonCatNation

    This is hilarious! The pictures are priceless, too. We have our little method which actually goes pretty well, but it’s not nearly as interesting reading as the method above!

  3. Laurel Babcock

    Carrie, don’t leave us hanging! What’s your method??

  4. EddieJ

    Very funny stuff, Laurel. Gave me my laugh for the day. My wife and I have five cats so we know your story isn’t far from the truth! We’ve also had dogs, though, and it’s no picnic trying to give them pills either. Anyway, it was worth the trip from the “bonehead blog” to read. Thanks.

  5. Laurel Babcock

    You’re welcome Eddie. And feel free to send me pics of your kitty collection! lbabcock@lohud.com. put your report name in the subject line so I know it’s you.

  6. easy make money

    Thanks for the post!

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About this blog
For most animal lovers, pets are members of the family. They carry around pictures in their wallets and schedule vacations with pets in mind. This blog takes a look into the world of a pet owner: the good, the bad and the just plain obsessive.









About the author
Laurel Babcock is the Community Life editor for The Journal News, Express Publications and LoHud.com. She grew up with a beloved mutt and was surrounded by dogs into young adulthood. She liked cats enough, but didn't really think of them as true pets. That changed when her brother brought an abandoned 4-week-old kitty into the family, dooming us all. Laurel currently serves as staff for two completely adored cats, Stanley and Cup, both girls.


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